Wednesday 13 September 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Monster fatberg named Foreign Secretary


London Fatberg

In a surprising cabinet reshuffle, the 250-tonne monster fatberg found in a London sewer has been named Foreign Secretary.

The fatberg which has, as yet, displayed no signs of sentience, has been promoted to one of the highest cabinet offices in the country in an attempt to give the current Government some semblance of credibility.

“I guess it is a surprising appointment,” said a Tory insider.

“But, frankly, when a giant fatberg like this is discovered, it’s important to snap it up quickly, it’s really going to add some quite dramatic talent to the government.”

It is the first non-sentient article has held high-office since David Cameron’s elevation to Prime Minister in 2010.

“We think this a chance to really turn the Government around. Frankly, our standing on the world stage is pretty low right now and, with a giant fatberg becoming Foreign Secretary, the only way is up.

“To be honest, I wish we had the fatberg in place before Hurricane Irma, as it certainly wouldn’t have handled the situation any less competently.”

The Government has no qualms about replacing Boris Johnson with a vast coagulation of fat, sanitary products and toilet roll.

“No,” confirmed the insider.

“To be honest, I’m not sure anyone will really notice a difference.”

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