Monday 11 September 2017 by Arabin Patson

Stay the fuck out of this, Remainers tell Tony Blair


Tony Blair on Brexit

Tony Blair’s Sunday comments about Brexit to Andrew Marr received a lukewarm reaction by prominent Europhiles with Anna Soubry calling his intervention “unhelpful” and Vince Cable saying his assistance was “as welcome as a shit in a baptismal font”.

Amanda Tinnock, coordinator of the UK In EU pressure group, explained that Mr Blair’s unpopularity would negate any argument he makes.

“On the face of things, making a case to stay in the EU by allowing Brits to be a bit more racist makes political sense.

“The pound would stop collapsing, and the Daily Mail would eventually go back to harassing Travellers or Muslims.

“But it couldn’t come from a worse champion. We live in a viciously divided nation, but if there’s one thing, aside from Bake Off, that unites the UK, it’s the idea that Tony Blair is an untrustworthy cunt.”

Mr Blair’s reappearance could be linked to mental issues, as delusions about their own prestige is a common problem with retired politicians, as explained Simon Williams, Professor of psychology at the Open University.

“Tony Blair probably thinks he’s unwillingly coming back to public life to save the nation from itself.

“It’s sad but quite normal. It’s like John Major thinking he was a wise elder statesman when giving his opinion about the single market when in fact the most memorable thing he ever did was shag Edwina Currie.”

In related news, Westminster veterans are hinting that Gordon Brown is about to join the Open Britain campaign to give it some ‘wicked street cred’.

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