Monday 11 September 2017 by HappToast

Jacob Rees-Mogg launches Xtreme Moggmentum sports campaign


Moggmentum parkour

Conservative party wannabe leader Jacob Rees-Mogg was seeking further media attention today with the launch of his Xtreme Moggmentum sports campaign which he hopes will capture the imaginations of younger voters.

The new idea combines the popular activity of Parkour; running and jumping over street furniture and rooftops, with a range of tailored clothing and formal wear. Mogg suggests the scheme will improve health and help bestow a sense of dignity and decorum in the minds of youths.

Speaking at a children’s playground, the gangly MP announced his plans for Xtreme Moggmentum parks to be built across the country, where children could learn exciting new climbing and jumping techniques that he himself has been mastering for many years.

“I actually invented parkour while hopping over fences in my early days canvasing awful housing estates,” he claimed.

“You had to be pretty quick too, I can tell you. You never knew what the oiks that live in those squalid conditions might chase you with.

“One day I barely escaped the jaws of a terrible hound. Thankfully nanny came to my rescue that time.”

Jacob hopes his campaign will be instrumental in creating a new workforce of agile and obedient working class youths. Many of whom he aims to employ himself in his state funded, private chimney sweeping business he can open “once Brexit does away with all that Health and Safety nonsense and we can stick kids up flues again”.

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