Friday 8 September 2017 by Neil Tollfree

There should be more tolerance of my intolerance, claims Jacob Rees-Mogg


Jacob Rees-Mogg

Tory backbencher and twice-winner of Britain’s least sympathetic man Jacob Rees-Mogg has demanded greater tolerance of his intolerance.

Jacob Rees-Mogg, or Jacob Rees-f**king-Mogg as he’s more popularly known, has been criticised for the medieval views on abortion and homosexuality that he clearly articulated on Good Morning Britain earlier this week.

“It is quite typical of modern leftists,” whined Mr Rees-Mogg, who was once famously turned-down for the Mr Muscle adverts as not tough-looking enough.

“They are quite happy to preach tolerance for sodomy, promiscuity, and disrespect for the landed classes but when it comes to my intolerance to sodomy, promiscuity and disrespect for the landed classes, they’re not nearly so tolerant, are they?

“It’s flagrant hypocrisy of the very worst kind.”

Mr Rees-Mogg then went on to claim that he should be allowed to be an intolerant bigot because he has arbitrarily decided to follow the parts of the Bible that preach intolerance, and ignore all the bits about loving your fellow man.

Also, apparently Mr Rees-Mogg has a magic Bible that somehow managed to have an opinion on abortion several thousand years before the practice was developed.

“If these people were as tolerant as they make out, then they should be quite supportive of my religious intolerance,” he said smugly.

It is widely hoped that Mr Rees-Mogg’s metaphorical five minutes of fame will be over by Monday and he will be returning to the obscurity that suits him so well.

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