Friday 8 September 2017

Nigel Farage planning to break out his best suit for speech at German far-right rally


Nigel Farage in Nazi uniform

Nigel Farage has dropped his best suit off at the dry-cleaners in advance of a speech he will be giving at a far-right rally in Germany.

Despite owning many pinstripe and tweed suits, his favourite comes in a dashing grey with a number of accompanying refinements.

Dry cleaner Simon Williams told us, “Nigel brings in a couple of suits a week, just throwing them at us and telling us to have them ready the next day – it’s barely a grunt if our Polish employee Aneta happens to be working.

“But this one he was very particular about. He stood in front of me and looked me in the eye and said there would be significant repercussions if this suit came back in anything other than pristine condition.

“Apparently it holds ‘significant sentimental value’. Anyway, he held my stare for about thirty seconds then frog marched out of the shop. He’ll be back to pick it up the morning I’m sure.”

Farage has hit back at critics who say that the news of him addressing a far right rally in Germany is the least surprising thing to happen in 2017 so far.

Farage told reporters, “Look, just because I’m addressing a German far-right rally for a party who are doing everything they can to stop Germans being shamed by their Nazi past, doesn’t mean I’m in any way supportive of the Nazi doctrine.

“No, it’s more my approach to nationalism, jingoism, immigrants and my proclivity for using fear as a tool to motivate the masses that makes it look like that.

“And yes, I guess the uniform is a bit of a giveaway.”

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