Friday 8 September 2017 by JS Harding

Ball games now allowed in any public place, rules Supreme Court


No ball games sign

Ball game enthusiasts are celebrating today after the supreme court ruled that they have the right to play ball-related games in dreary public places that had previously been designated as strict NO BALL GAMES zones.

The court ruled that those ‘no ball games’ spaces had been ‘wrongfully and unlawfully’ implemented by ‘fascist and oppressive’ councils throughout Britain.

Announcing the verdict to an unruly mob of ne’er do wells outside the supreme court, human rights solicitor Simon Williams told the assembled throng that kicking slightly flat footballs against the grumpy neighbour’s garage door was a ‘God-given right’, and a battle that he ‘simply had to win’.

“This is not just a victory for those who can’t be arsed to walk the extra hundred metres to the park,” roared Williams.

“It’s a victory for the common man, woman or child who simply wants to endanger nearby car windows, wing-mirrors and porches.

“Or who simply wants to prevent people getting home without a cricket or tennis ball being twatted at their head.

“But most of all, it’s a victory for those poor little oiks who don’t have very many friends and need a wall or something to bounce their ball against.”

With this, the increasingly febrile crowd broke out into a spontaneous game of cricket in the car park behind the supreme court, where several cars windows were smashed and two passersby were taken to hospital.

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