Tuesday 5 September 2017 by Lucas Wilde

“Ow much for ze vagina?” enquires stereotypical French magazine


Closer magazine royal payout

A French magazine has had to pay 100,000 Euros after publishing photos of the Duchess of Cambridge’s breasts, prompting them to ask for “ze full menu”.

Following a court ruling that Closer magazine violated the duchess’ privacy, the editor hasn’t so much learned his lesson as had an idea.

“Just out of, ‘ow you say…curiosity,” editor, Simon Le Williams, asked the judge, “if we were to take ze photo of ze bit between ze legs from a safe distance of, say, 300m via telephoto lens, are we talking three hundred thousand Euro?

“Because we could talk about zat.

“It wouldn’t be perverted, because we work for a magazine, which makes zis kind of thing non-criminal.

“Just a price list of everything vould be ‘elpful, really, your honour.”

Judge Elizabeth King, said, “I find Monsieur Le Williams’ suggestion and comedy accent both highly offensive.

“When we fine a newspaper and/or magazine for breach of privacy, it is done on the understanding that they shouldn’t do it again, and certainly shouldn’t do it a worse degree.

“The fact that this has never, ever worked throughout the entire history of tabloid media is neither here nor there.”

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