Monday 4 September 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Prince William completes third bout of sexual intercourse, confirms Palace


Prince William, intercourse

Prince William and Kate are expecting their third child, as a result of William’s third bit of sex.

The sexiest couple currently alive in the royal family made the announcement today via a spokesperson.

“They’re delighted, especially William, who has now “done it” three times and has been bragging to Harry, although Harry is understandably non-plussed having done it three times since breakfast with four different women.

“I understand that Kate was suitably satisfied with the Prince’s performance, patting him on his naked back and sighing ‘yes, good for you’.”

“It’s a wonderful day for the Royal Family, and for the notches on William’s bedpost, which now stand at a mighty three.”

Citizen, Elizabeth King, said “I’m delighted by the prospect of a new tea towel to mark this event. I hope it will depict William having full sex three times.

“I have a tea towel to mark every significant royal event in history, which is one of the many reasons why I’ve yet to have sex three times myself.

“I hope William and Kate are making the most of this happy period of frequent penetration, before the inevitable decline into despair and resentment that seems to accompany every Royal marriage, and indeed many normal ones.”

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