Thursday 31 August 2017 by Davytoast

Dennis the Menace takes Jacob Rees-Mogg’s dinner money


Jacob Rees-Mogg

Hotly-tipped future Prime Minister Jacob Rees-Mogg has been found blubbing in a cupboard after Dennis the Menace took his dinner money this morning.

Mogg, whose mother gave him a ten-shilling note to purchase tuck and snacks at big Parliament this morning, was accosted by the notorious bully on the way and forced to hand over the money after being threatened with having his ankles viciously bitten by Gnasher.

Mogg only recovered after being allowed to spend the remainder of the morning picking daisies in Parliament Square by Nurse instead of going to votes like the rest of class.

Jacob and his cohorts Algernon Perkins and Dudley Nightshirt are understood to be front-runners to replace Theresa May as Prime Minister, and being relieved of his dinner money by an anarchic prepubescent may damage his claims to economic credibility.

“When I’m Pwime Minister I’ll see all the Menaces and those unwuly oiks fwom down Bash Street know their places,” Mogg told us.

“They’ll be sowwy. Grrrrr!”, he added whilst shaking his fist with impotent, softy rage.

“He didn’t even give me a weceipt! How am I supposed to claim it back now?”

Readers may remember that Ed Miliband’s electoral challenge was effectively ended by Dennis tormenting him with a pea-shooter during his “Am I tough enough? Hell yes!” speech.

When asked, Dennis the Menace said that he had been intending to steal Jeremy Corbyn’s packed lunch, but having taken one look at what was in the sandwiches he’d thought better of it.

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