Wednesday 30 August 2017 by Lucas Wilde

British mile down to just 1.2km following Brexit vote


Angry holiday driver

Brits are going to have to travel a little farther to holiday in Europe.

Following the continuing decline of UK currency, the country is now waking up to brave new dawn of having to spend up to twenty minutes longer on a Ryan Air flight to Malaga.

“And bollocks to that,” confirmed Simon Williams, a Brexit voter who still resolutely refuses to lie in the bed he has made.

“Malaga used to be 1400 miles away and now it’s apparently just over 1600 miles away? WHY? This is just down to bloody liberals talking British miles down. Lefteye traitors, I’ll tell you that.

“Bollocks to it. I’ll just holiday in Glasgow. I might get glassed in the face but at least a mile means a mile up there, and it’s far enough away from the mother-in-law.”

Chairman of the British Motoring Association, Jay Cooper, said, “it’s very bad news for British drivers.

“They’re going to have to travel that much farther in order to find an appropriate place to shit in a hedge or drop off the corpse of the last hitchhiker they picked up.”

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