Wednesday 30 August 2017 by Jimmy Mallet

Ale drinkers who try before they buy are ‘utter twats’ according to everyone else in queue


Real samples a pain in the arse

According to the latest research, drinkers who insist on trying shots of craft ale before deciding which they want, are “massive f*cking bellends”.

In a recent poll of everyone behind them in the queue, 48% described them as “utter twats”, 39% called them ‘total dicksplats’, and 28% muttered “little pricks” under their breath and sighed – sharing a knowing look with other waiting punters.

As one customer surveyed explained, “It’s a pint, just a bloody pint – you’re not choosing the wine for your sodding wedding, you ale gargling c*nt.”

However, pub landlord, Simon Williams, defended their actions, saying, “Yes, these little twerps are a pain in the arse, but if they weren’t in here talking guff about ale, they’d be riding penny farthings down the high street or forcing people to ask about their moustaches. And no one wants that.”

A spokesman from CAMRA gave us this official statement: “These little tosspots were drinking Fosters last week, now they’re holding ale up the light, swilling it round their mouths and pretending they’re some kind of expert or something.

“Order a whole pint or piss off.”

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