Tuesday 29 August 2017 by Gary Stanton

Firing a missile over Japan is outrageous, insists country that nuked Japan twice


nuclear explosion

The firing of a missile over Japan is outrageous, but not quite as outrageous as reducing two of its cities to smouldering, radioactive rubble, it has emerged.

North Korea launched the Hugedong-12 missile into the sea to the east of Japan early yesterday morning, resulting in a whooshing sound and the deaths of precisely no civilians.

Warnings were sounded in cities like Nagasaki and Hiroshima, in which citizens are still dying of cancers related to the slightly larger bombs that went off in August 1945.

The Japanese prime minister, Shinzo Abe, denounced the launch as ‘an unprecedented and grave threat’, prompting suggestions that he should go and read a fucking history book.

After hitting the sea, the missile is said to have broken into three pieces, meaning eighties new wave act OMD are hardly likely to write a song about it – even if they’re struggling for new material.

US president, Donald Trump said, “This is not the correct way to send a message to your perceived enemies.

“Another incorrect way is to detonate a thermonuclear missile several hundred metres above one of their cities, resulting in thousands of deaths, and then follow this up three days later by doing it again.

“Then wait another seventy years or so before coughing up some compensation.”

Trump, meanwhile, reaffirmed his commitment to the defence of Japan, even if this means launching more bombs of the kind that melted over sixteen hundred Yo Sushi restaurants at the end of World War Two.

Last night OMD vocalist, Andy McCluskey, said, “What rhymes with North Korea?”

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