Friday 25 August 2017 by Arabin Patson

Trump furious as White House renovators fail to install gold doors


Donald Trump furious at White House renovation

The US president has blamed institutional sabotage after a $3 million renovation work at the White House ignored his requests for crystal sinks, red velvet divans, ceiling mirrors, white shag-pile carpets and a throne room.

This week’s White House press secretary, Simon Williams, said the incident showed Washington’s resistance to change.

“This is the Deep State going against the will of the people. Their president simply wants to eat breakfast on a 15 ft black marble table and sleep in a bed with carved ivory posts but liberal bureaucrats are hell bent on thwarting the wishes of honest Americans.”

A spokesperson for Heritage Works, the company tasked with the renovation, said that the age of the building and not politics were to blame.

“We did our best to oblige but we are constrained by budget and architecture. We removed all traces of Lincoln, Grant and Kennedy and put in busts of General Lee and Bedford Forrest.

“We installed that large portrait of President Trump as a muscular barbarian warrior as well as his favourite painting of dolphins jumping in front of a rainbow.

“But a life-size solid gold statue of himself on a revolving plinth is simply too heavy for the 18th-century masonry. As it is, we struggled to install those special swings in the First Lady’s bedroom.”

The $3 million price tag will be added to $2 million spent in November 2016 after Donald Trump controversially insisted all the silverware, bedding and furniture touched by the Obamas be destroyed for fear of “catching Kenyan AIDS”.

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