Thursday 24 August 2017 by Davywavy and H

Industrial grade skunk now Britain’s most popular picnic essential


Skunk popular at picnics

Industrial-strength marijuana has overtaken more traditional ingredients in British summer picnics as the number one essential, experts confirmed today.

Oxford Regius Professor of Picnicology, Dr Simon Williams PhD, explained. “When people used to go on the picnics of yesteryear, the things they would pack would be mostly food, such as Shippam’s potted meat paste sandwiches and a few hard-boiled eggs in their shells.

“Plus maybe a couple of bottles of Ben Shaw’s Dandelion and Burdock, and an apple, or lashings of ginger beer.”

But Dr Williams said “things have moved on.”

“Nowadays, people setting out on a jolly country picnic just go round to their mate with all the polytunnels in his attic and pick up as much eye-wateringly strong, acrid, psychosis-inducing wacky backy as they can afford.”

Asked how this had affected society, he told us that “the main change is that in summer, the whole of every public park from one end to the other smells like the inside of the fricking Scooby Doo Mystery Machine.

“Even if you just go out for a few lungfuls of fresh air, chances are you’ll come back stoned out of your skull and talking like Neil out of the Young Ones.

He added, “Hey, man, can you hear the trees talking? Like, heavy.”

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