Monday 21 August 2017 by Neil Tollfree

MPs demand Big Ben bong UK out of Europe in 2019 because nation not yet humiliated enough


Big Ben bong

Tory MPs have demanded that the Big Ben bongs us out of Europe at midnight on 31st March 2019 because even though Great Britain is a massive laughing stock around the world right now, they think we could be an even bigger one.

Big Ben falls silent for several years today due to unfashionable leftist notions of safety and consideration for people in the workplace.

Jacob Rees-Mogg, with grim inevitability, wasted no time in having his say on the matter.

“For some bizarre reason,” began the most Tory MP since Enoch Powell.

“Possibly to do with some life-long sexual inadequacy, I, like my fellow Brexit supporters, wish for Great Britain’s abject humiliation on the world stage to not only continue, but to be increased.

“To achieve this, I suggest that the concept of being bonged out of Europe by Big Ben should be enough to see the rest of the world in paroxysms of laughter at our absurdity.”

Despite the ridiculousness of the suggestion of being bonged out of Europe, Mr Rees-Mogg had other suggestions to further increase Great Britain’s humiliation.

“Theresa May should wear big clown shoes to meet with the Europeans, the England football team’s brass band should play outside all Brexit negotiations, and we should genuinely go through with the most self-destructive act that a country’s taken in at least a generation.”

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