Monday 21 August 2017

Cockneys to be late for everything as Big Ben falls silent


Big Ben bongs

Londoners are to spend the next four years being incredibly late for everything after Big Ben fell silent for a period of planned maintenance.

Despite everyone knowing in advance that it is going to be silent, thousands are still outraged that they will have to find alternative means of discovering the time.

London resident Simon Williams told us, “Big Ben is incredibly important to us here in London, and it’s the only way proper cockneys tell the time.

“Some of the softer ones will use a watch, or look at their phone, but us true Londoners always go about their daily routine guided by Big Ben’s chimes.

“Has anyone put any thought into those of us who will now be late for everything? No. Has anyone prepared a letter giving me carte blanche to arrive at work late whenever I want because Big Ben is silent? Yes, they have – but apparently, HR said it’s not a valid excuse.

“It is no surprise to learn the HR manager is from Surrey. No proper Londoner would have refused to accept my letter.”

Tourists have also been left disappointed at the silencing of Big Ben, with many saying they wouldn’t have come to London if they’d known it wouldn’t be going ‘bong’ on command at the appropriate time each hour.

American tourist Chuck Matthews told us, “What else does London actually have? Nothing, it’s just that big clock going bong, so don’t be surprised if the tourist economy dies on its arse over the next couple of years.”

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