Monday 21 August 2017 by Arabin Patson

Big Ben being temporarily silenced is the greatest tragedy of our times, says Jacob Rees-Mogg


Jacob Rees Mogg

While MPs have done little to mark the recent bloodbaths in Europe or any tragedy in the past year, many traditionalists are insisting on a full minute of silence because a bell at their workplace will cease to chime for four years.

Jacob Rees-Mogg, a humble champion of the people, said that it was appropriate that an inanimate object’s temporary hiatus obviously warranted more solemn ceremony that the 80 people who burned to death at the nearby Grenfell Tower.

“Look, I get that people feel sad about the dying and everything, but bear in mind these were commoners. Not a peer in the lot.

“Same with those people in Barcelona and Turku. They were mainly foreigners. But Big Ben going quiet, or at least having to use a recording, is something that truly wrenches the heart. And all because some EU busybody claims workers should get to keep their hearing.”

Construction worker and forelock-tugging simpleton Simon Williams agrees with Jacob Rees-Mogg that standing in silence, in the same way the war dead are remembered, is a fit way to mark the poignant event that is building maintenance.

“It’s the worst thing that has happened this year. I would gladly sacrifice my senses so that Jacob can not have his routine changed.

“It’s those EU doctors and their namby-pamby knowledge that are bringing this country down. What England needs is more people who wear top hats telling us what is good. Do I get my shiny coin now?”

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