Sunday 20 August 2017 by Gary Stanton

Marine found alive after 72 years on USS Indianapolis still believes the President isn’t a Nazi


USS Indianapolos

A US Marine found alive after 72 years still thinks he lives in a world in which the Whitehouse is occupied by a sane person with moderate views.

Rear Admiral, Chuck Williams, was rescued yesterday in the Pacific Ocean by a naval patrol vessel carrying out routine interference in Chinese waters.

Williams survived his lengthy ordeal by finding a sizeable airlock and by adopting a heavily krill-based diet.

However, the ship’s remaining radio packed some years after the war when one of its capacitors was eaten by a passing shark.

Williams has since lost track of time, believing the US is still at war with Japan and that his beloved country avoided electing a racist arsehole as its President.

Williams said, “Sir, Rear Admiral Chuck Williams reporting for duty, sir!”

The captain of the vessel that rescued Williams, Dirk Weinbecker, said, “He looked pretty crestfallen when we told him Elvis had died, so we’re a little anxious about reeling out the whole fucknut Nazi President thing.”

He added, “We will transport Chuck to the nearby island of Guam for a debriefing, where he can recuperate in a safe and familiar environment.”

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