Friday 18 August 2017 by Pete Redfern

Please only refer to the Barcelona terrorists as ‘shrivelled-dicked bastards’, press told


man urging ISIS to be called shrivelled dicked bastards

Instead of plastering their name across papers and TV screens, the press should only refer to terrorists by a variety of fitting insults, according to the public and politicians alike.

There has been a public outcry for journalists and news agencies to only refer to the perpetrators of the latest terrorist outrage by appropriate insults instead of their actual name; firstly because it is entirely deserved, and secondly to remove any chance of the terrorists becoming poster boys for similarly-minded bloody impotent wankers.

Simon Williams, a spokesperson for an independent government think-tank told us, “Here we have one of the few occasions where the general public and politicians are in agreement.

“Everyone is fed up with seeing the names of these tossers getting plastered over the news and receiving fame that is entirely undeserved.”

He continued, “There is a groundswell of opinion that people only want to see the names of the victims in the press, not these poorly endowed cowardly wankstains that call themselves men against all evidence to the contrary.

“Nothing big or clever about driving a car into a load of people in the name if a twisted ideology.

“Oh, you know how to hire and drive a van? Well done, you monumental bellend.”

The change in approach is expected to take place with immediate effect, so viewers can expect to witness a range of extremely creative language over the coming days as the press covers the investigation into the latest outrage from the utter cockwombles in ISIS.

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