Friday 18 August 2017 by Neil Tollfree

LinkedIn now 100% dickhead


Linkedin now 100% dickhead

LinkedIn has become the world’s first 100% dickhead social network after a pleasant man called Kevin finally worked out how to delete his account.

LinkedIn is a ‘business’ social network where ‘business’ people can lie about their ‘business’ achievements to each other.

It was established in 2002 and quickly became the social network of choice for dickheads across the world.

“Frankly, the surprise is that it’s taken so long,” said social media expert Simon Williams.

“It was specifically set up for the sort of person who talks loudly in train carriages about ‘touching base about the spreadsheet predictions’ and refers to Jeremy Clarkson as ‘Clarkson’.

“I’d have expected it to be 100% dickhead within 12 months.”

Being the first social network to be 100% dickhead could prove useful for many reasons.

“Well, yes, if a company needs to fill a middle-management position that serves no discernible purpose other than to produce incomprehensible PowerPoint presentations and flatulence then literally anyone on LinkedIn can do that.”

“And, to normal people, having a 100% dickhead social network in tremendously helpful because, as soon as you find out that someone is on LinkedIn, you can remove them from your life safe in the knowledge that having an association with that person will offer you nothing more than dickheadary and access to a complete collection of Top Gear avis.”

It is understood that Google plus will be the next social network to reach 100% dickhead. It is unlikely anyone will notice.

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