Wednesday 16 August 2017 by Alex Webster

Walnut Whips to be renamed Brexit Whips


Walnut Whip

Walnut Whips are to be rebranded to indicate their impoverished nut-free status.

The famous British confection is to lose its titular walnut due to increased import costs caused by a fall in the pound after the Brexit vote, manufacturers have said today.

A spokesperson for Nestle told reporters, “Like many businesses, we wanted to leave the EU so we could take back control of our financial laws.

“However, we didn’t realise that crippling the strength of the Pound would make things more expensive.

“It turns out that walnuts come from another country, along with most of the people working in our factory. Which has made cut backs necessary.

“Frankly, I’m amazed at the response. I’ve never once seen anybody eat the walnut. Most people bite them off then spit them in the bin.”

Economists have predicted that in the next few years Nestle production will be outsourced to eastern Europe, by which time the British public will no longer be able to afford sweets anyway.

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