Sunday 13 August 2017 by Charles Oliver

The future of the white race lies in terrible driving and garden accessories, neo-Nazi groups confirm


KKK White supremacists

The Holy Destiny of the white race is one of garden centre accessories and an inability to keep your car on the road, American Neo-Nazi groups have announced today.

After a weekend of going about with garden torches, polo shirts and singing songs about how much they dislike jews, marchers demonstrated their inherent superiority over their opponents with a display of driving reminiscent of Death Race 2000.

“If there’s a golden future for the white race in the United States, it lies in shopping at Home Depot and not knowing how to use a steering wheel,” said spokesman Simon-Bob Williams, knuckling away a tear at the purity of his vision.

“I dream of the day when every American can carry a cheap garden torch, hate others and drive their car into crowds of people who disagree with them and not be judged for it, in a land of true freedom.

“God bless America”, he added.

He then went on to remind us of the White Supremacist creed, the ‘fourteen words’ – “We must secure the existence of Home Depot and a future for terrible drivers,” he said, his voice ringing with emotion.

However, Islamic terror group ISIS has issued a statement insisting that they are far, far worse drivers than any white supremacist could ever hope to be.

“In the name of Allah, the just, the merciful, we can’t drive ten yards in a straight line,” it read.

“We pray that Mohammed, peace be upon him, tell us the difference between the brake and accelerator because we’re fucked if we know.”

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