Tuesday 8 August 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Westeros NHS “Fucked”


Westeros NHS fucked

The NHS for Westeros has essentially collapsed.

After seven seasons of beheadings, stabbings, poisonings, beatings and burnings, the National Health Service for the seven kingdoms isn’t so much on its knees as hammered into the floor.

“We’ve run out of EVERYTHING” confirmed Dr Simon Williams.

“We haven’t had any milk of the poppy in stock since about season five, which is why you don’t hear about it anymore, and the only wheelchair that we’ve ever had is now out on permanent loan to that weird kid with the shit haircut.

“The burns unit is absolutely packed at the moment for some reason, and there aren’t enough nurses milling about to apply that much Savlon to that many people.

“Most of us in management have died; there’s basically me and two other blokes left, but I haven’t heard from them since they were sent to the Night’s Watch. I assume they’re fine.”

King’s Landing resident, Jay Snow, said: “I blame them Targaryens you know.

“Coming over here, stealing our castles, burning our soldiers. NHS were fine until they rocked up with that massive eagle, or whatever that thing with the fire was.

“This is why King’s Landing needs to leave the Seven Kingdoms, you know. I’ll be voting for King’s Landing to leave – or Kexit as we’re calling it. Then maybe I can finally have this leprosy looked at.”

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