Tuesday 8 August 2017 by Alex McNamara

New government legislation will see Game of Thrones spoilers punishable by flogging


Game of Thrones spoilers

New government legislation has suggested those who post Game of Thrones spoilers online, ahead of the regular broadcast time, should be beaten and publicly flogged.

“Not all of us have Sky Atlantic you know” commented one angry fan of the HBO series.

“And these nerds who stay up to watch it at 2am the night before are obviously complete losers.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I‘m half way through renovating my loft to look like the throne room of King’s Landing. I’ve made an Iron Throne out of kitchen cutlery.

“Admittedly, it’s not very comfy.”

A former university lecturer in North Yorkshire, Simon Williams, was recently divorced by his wife of 35 years – simply for a Facebook post last year, revealing Jon Snow was not in fact dead.

Mrs Williams later cut off his penis, force-feeding it to him in a Melton Mowbray pork pie.

Tory politicians are reportedly overjoyed by the idea that UK society should mirror the imaginary world of Westeros, adding the show seems ‘a very fair and workable model for post-Brexit Britain’.

A potential ‘Walk of Shame’ was also briefly discussed, for anyone on a salary of over £50K who openly supports Jeremy Corbyn.

The idea was dropped though, as there aren’t any.

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