Tuesday 8 August 2017

Gap in premature death rate between North and South still not wide enough, insist Southerners


Southerners unhappy premature death gap not wide enough

Northerners being 20% more likely to die prematurely than their Southern counterparts has been hailed as a ‘good start’ by Southerners.

New research by the University of Manchester has shown that up to 1 million people in the north of England might have died prematurely in the last fifty years, leading Southerners to question how there are still so many of them.

London resident Simon Williams told us, “Look, I’m all in favour of any research that makes it look like we’re doing better than the people living in the North, but a 20% higher premature death rate really isn’t all that much, is it.

“It means there are still loads of them living a really long time – has anyone looked into why that is? It can not be the diet. No way.

“Considering how much we earn, and how much better everything is down here, I really think we should be aiming for a difference in the premature death rate of something north of 50%. Let’s all put our heads together and work towards that, agreed?”

Surrey home owner Daniel Logan told us, “I’ve been to the North, just the once mind you, so I would like to know if we have ruled out the possibility that more people are dying earlier up there because it’s just utterly miserable?”

“The North of England might be bad, but I hear that in Scotland nobody even reaches their fifties.”

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