Monday 7 August 2017 by Pete Redfern

Brexit divorce settlement could see Britain to lose custody of any remaining self-respect


Brexit, self-respect

The cost of the Brexit divorce settlement will extend beyond the £36bn already discussed, British negotiators have been told.

After learning that Britain will have to pay £36bn as a divorce settlement to the EU when it leaves in 2019, Brexit secretary David Davis has also been told that the country might as well hand over any remaining shred of dignity and self-respect with it.

Chief Brexit spokesperson for the EU Simon Verhofwilliams explained to reporters that “as in any relationship, when one party ups and leaves for no good reason, they can expect to have some severe financial repercussions.

“Not only that, but you have to be prepared to look a bit daft in front of all your friends for throwing away something which, although admittedly not always ideal, is a lot better than trying to go it alone.

“So yes, Britain might as well hand over custody of their self-respect now, in addition to the £36bn that they definitely won’t be spending on the NHS.”

Chuckling, he added, “It’s amusing that the Brexit vote only came about out of an inflated sense of historic national pride, and that is exactly what could be lost in the process.

“Now that, Alanis Morissette, is irony.”

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt

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