Tuesday 1 August 2017 by Formelia Alberthine

Our prices are yet to reflect the utter contempt we have for you, warns British Gas


British Gas price rises

British Gas has warned that despite a 12.5% hike, their current prices do not fully reflect the contempt with which they hold their customers, advising them to expect another big fat hike to redress the situation.

The company’s owners Centrica will soon begin to show their absolute disdain for the population in these times of economic peril by replacing prices that merely threaten the quality of life for their customers with prices which will now threaten their very existence.

“Well some idiot announced a price freeze last year and people were actually beginning to think we were nice people,” a spokesperson revealed.

“So now we are clarifying our position by announcing these hikes just when the Brexit and increased inflation are beginning to reduce the amount of money in your pocket.

“I sincerely hope that this will suppress any lingering questions about what kind of company we operate.”

“The answer to that question, of course, is a very opportunistic but profitable one that is paying for my holiday to the Bahamas, thank you very much.”

Centrica has also threatened to close one of its gas fields in Morecambe Bay, claiming that it does not make enough money and that unemployment figures are too low in the area for their liking.

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