Monday 31 July 2017 by Neil Tollfree

President Trump addresses nation from a motel room next to a dead hooker


Seedy motel used by Donald Trump

After a chaotic week which has seen the White House in turmoil, President Trump has sought to reassure the American people by addressing them from a motel room in which a dead hooker can be seen on the bed behind him.

“I wanted to address the American people without the interference of the fake news media,” said the President, as he wiped some sort of red liquid from his hands.

“Firstly, the dead hooker was here when I got here, I got no idea how she ended up dead, and it’s got nothing to with me.”

“In fact, you know what folks? I’m going to let you into a little secret here. You know that the guy before me, you know who I’m talking about, he gave plenty of speeches with dead hookers in the background, plenty, but the TV companies always cut the film of the speech so it looked like there were no dead hookers in the room, but they won’t do that for me because of the conspiracy.”

At this point during the address, Anthony Scaramucci enters the room and begins rolling up the dead woman in a carpet.

President Trump watches, transfixed for a few seconds before shouting – “Hey Mooch, you want to keep it down, I’m addressing the American people here’ – and then turning back to the camera.

“So, in summary then, I’m making America great again.”

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