Sunday 30 July 2017 by Arabin Patson

White House celebrates its most successful week yet in Trump’s War on Satire


The White House war on satire

Although stymied in its attempt to repeal Obamacare, the White House has achieved another triumph in the quest to move beyond the reach of parody.

Chuck Williams, a producer for the popular Saturday Night Live television show, said that even the most drug-fuelled attempts to mock the White House looked sedate compared to the real events.

“Picture a week when the new Communications director, who looks like a bad Chinese knock-off of a Ken doll, calls everybody a cocksucker before telling a journalist who he will fire tomorrow and then calling them a traitor for publishing that information.”

“You also have a grotesque caricature of a sex pest who bans transgender soldiers in a fucking tweet that forces every general to say they have no idea what their Commander-in-Chief is on about. The press secretary responds to the ensuing media shitstorm by banning cameras and reading aloud a sycophantic letter by a nine-year-old boy. Trump tops it all by firing a Chief of Staff who sounds like a minor Game Of Thrones character because he wouldn’t punch Scaramouche Soprano in the face.

“No editor would greenlight something that batshit crazy. We’re tired of trying. We’re just going to work on congressmen, shitty airlines, Kim Jong Un and maybe get Matt Damon to do inside jokes about Hollywood.”

The White House did not respond to a request for comment as it was too busy fielding questions about why the President told Long Island police officers it was OK to beat up suspects in custody.

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