Saturday 29 July 2017 by Arabin Patson

Ministers think it’s time to get information about those EU migrants they claimed to know so much about


Amber Rudd

Without a hint of shame, Amber Rudd has decided to commission a study on the same EU immigration that she and her colleagues have been bleating on about with confidence for the past two years.

The report, in the unlikely event that is completed on time, will be delivered just 6 months before the UK is set to leave the EU.

Critics in the press have suggested this was a case of shutting the stable doors long after the horse has bolted, gone feral, found wild mares and has bred so many generations that its descendants are now small tree-dwelling bipeds that have begun mastering stone tools. A claim that Tory party spokesman Simon Williams denied.

“This just goes to show how in touch with the public the Conservative party is,” he went on.

“There is nothing more British than having an incredibly strong opinion about immigration without knowing a single tangible fact about it.

“We want to reassure the voters that we, too, share the same assurance through pig-ignorance as they do.”

“And Amber sent a subtle but strong message by standing in front of a Border Force boat. That showed everybody that, from now on, all EU immigration will have to pass through tight military-like controls. Unless they come through Ireland of course, but let’s not talk about that.”

The Labour Party was asked what their policy on EU immigration was but their spokesman just broke down in tears while, in the background, six frontbenchers started a massive bitter argument about it.

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