Friday 28 July 2017

Office twat clearly getting off on treating fire drill like real fire


Fire Marshall loving it

Office Administrator and self-appointed fire marshall Simon Williams could not be enjoying this fire drill more, according to reports.

Armed only with a fluorescent vest, clip board and the demeanour of a tyrannical medieval king, Williams has taken to bossing you about like a duck to water.

“Walk CALMLY to the rendezvous point!” screamed Williams through a loud-hailer apparently purchased just this morning and wearing a hard hat for some unfathomable reason.

“Follow my instructions, and we’ll all get out of this alive!” he continued, seemingly unaware that everyone in the office knew this was nothing more than a drill.

Finding one worker who stayed at his desk to talk to a customer, Williams shouted, “That’s it – you’re DEAD! Stay there! You are burned beyond recognition, and your family won’t recognise you – I hope you’re happy!”

As the test concluded, Williams told us, “Look, I’m basically a fireman, which makes me a hero –  but I don’t want people to treat me any differently just because I’m clearly better than them.”

Managing Director Matthew Gordon told us, “Look, no-one else wanted to do it, and Simon pestered me every hour for an entire week to get the gig – the unpaid gig, I might add. He was desperate. Now I see why.

“Yes, it was a mistake, but the first excuse I get, he’s fired.”

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