Tuesday 25 July 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Husband’s relief as Ed Sheeran tickets turn out to be fake


Ed Sheeran tickets were fake

A husband has expressed profound joy that he won’t have to attend an Ed Sheeran concert.

Simon Williams had grudgingly lent his credit card to the wife so that she could purchase two tickets to go and see the inoffensive but still dull singer.

“It would have been a very long and tedious evening, surrounded by other dull women and their henpecked husbands,” confirmed Williams.

“So you can imagine my joy when the tickets turned up this morning, two days prior to the concert, and they were written in crayon.

“I feigned annoyance at having been scammed but honestly, £220 to not watch Ed Sheeran feels like incredible value for money.

“The wife was a bit-very upset, but honestly, I didn’t pay much attention as I was too excited about the possibilities of what I might do with that newly-available evening, now that I don’t have to listen to some ginger twat bang on about girls he probably isn’t shagging because look at him.”

Simon’s wife said, “I’m massively disappointed.”

“Not just in my marriage, but also about the tickets.”

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