Tuesday 25 July 2017 by Spacey

American Boy Scouts express interest in ‘pussy-grabbing’ badge


Donald Trump Boy Scouts of America speech

Following President Trump’s speech at their national jamboree in West Virginia, American Boy Scouts have expressed interest in the introduction of several new merit badges.

Teenage boys across the United States are especially excited at the possibility of learning how to interact with girls like the commander in chief.

12-year-old Boy Scout Cameron Williams told us, “We learn a lot in the scouts, like how to look after the environment, be nice to people, the value of community and so on – but the President can teach us so much more about the world. His speech was just the start.

“For example, like most boys on the verge of puberty, I’m at a complete loss when it comes to pussy.

“How do I get pussy? That’s a life skill I need to invest in. With the President’s help, I hope we’ll see a new badge where I’ll learn how to grab it with both hands when the opportunity presents itself.

“I’d also like to learn how to dismiss my parents’ accusations that my room needs tidying, so I’m very interested in the new Fake News badge.

“I believe there are plenty of other badges that will also come in handy.  The ‘Ignoring Facts’ badge will help me to keep a straight face when telling my parents that I’m actually ‘winning so big’ and doing ‘really great’ when my report card actually says I got a ‘D’.

“I don’t know why all the badges have to be orange though.”

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