Monday 24 July 2017 by Jack Marshall

Lib Dems left bemused as Cablemania fails to catch on


Vince Cable Lib Dem leader

Senior Liberal Democrats have expressed disappointment that Cablemania has failed to catch on with the public.

“Although it’s only been a few days since Vince became leader, it’s evident that nobody really gives a stuff about him or the party” said Nev Burke, a Lib Dem strategist.

“We thought his pledge to reverse the Government’s austerity programme would be a real crowd-pleaser. Unfortunately, we’d forgotten that it was Vince who was instrumental in getting these dreadful policies implemented in the first place.”

Sir Vince, who’s 74 years young, was a key figure in the 2010-15 Conservative-Lib Dem coalition. It’s generally accepted that his only notable achievement while in office was receiving a 10 from Len Goodman on a Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Special.

However, speaking at the Northampton Cheese Festival, the former business secretary remained defiant.

“I’m the real anti-establishment candidate!” insisted the knight of the realm.

He also promised the gathered crowd an “exit from Brexit” and blamed the outcome of the referendum on “thousands of illegal votes cast by undocumented white-van men.”

Although the general public may have reacted to Cable’s appointment with a collective shrug, he remains a respected figure at Westminster.

“Vince is old school. Literally and figuratively,” said political commentator Simon Williams.

“He’s a man of integrity and honour. He’s incredibly honest too.

“For example, after losing his seat in 2015, he promised not to return to frontline politics – and by becoming leader of the Liberal Democrats, he’s kept that promise.”

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