Monday 24 July 2017 by Shaun Matson

Ed Sheeran to become omnipresent by 2018


Ed Sheeran

Singer Ed Sheeran has announced plans to be involved in every single facet of your life from early 2018.

Encouraged by his cameo in Game of Thrones, record breaking album, sell-out tour and upcoming appearance in The Simpsons, Sheeran has unveiled ambitious plans to become the first pop singer to become ubiquitous.

According to a press release, by February 2018 Sheeran will feature on every piece of music released, will play all roles in every TV series, will attend all dinner parties you host and will play a prominent role in all of your dreams.

Sheeran’s agent Simon Williams said, “It has been a miraculous couple of years for Ed, who has gone from a pub singer to the biggest artists in the musical world, so the logical next step is to take control of every other aspect of our daily lives.

“We’re working hard on securing collaborations with Elton John, Justin Timberlake, Lady Gaga and also on Ed becoming your employer, your best friend, your landlord and the giant bird that always chases you in your nightmares.

“We’re going to try a soft launch – most people will start to see Ed’s role in their daily lives gradually increase through 2017, so by December it won’t seem too much of a jolt when their every thought involves an unassuming guitar-wielding balladeer.”

While there has been some negativity surrounding the announcement, many people believe Sheeran’s ever-presence could actually come in handy.

Jake Matthews said, “I’ve been meaning to buy a dinner table ever since I moved into my new place, so it was something of a boost when I could eat my breakfast off Ed Sheeran this morning.

“I suppose I could’ve done without him following me into the shower and dispensing the shampoo for me, but at least he didn’t sing.”

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