Saturday 22 July 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Great Outdoors to be rebranded ‘Outdoors’


Great outdoors rebrand

A recent study has found that most people no longer consider the Great Outdoors to be in any way ‘great’ and accordingly, it is to be rebranded ‘Outdoors’ to reflect this new attitude.

“The problem with the Outdoors is that it’s largely awful,” said study leader Simon Williams.

“There’s mud and nettles everywhere, it smells, and it’s impossible to get a decent cappuccino.

“Whereas indoors, it’s warm, there’s tellies and iPads and whatnot, and there are cappuccino makers to suit most budgets.”

The newly branded ‘Outdoors’ is still expected to attract visitors, just those with considerably lower expectations than previously.

“We’re looking to attract the sort of people now whose idea of a good time is watching a starling struggling to free itself from a plastic four-pack of beer holder, or having a disappointing microwaved lasagne in a pub-garden full of casual racists, or being stung.”

The change has received a cautious welcome from most people.

“Yeah, I went to the Great Outdoors once,” said vinegar sachet filler Eleanor Gay.

“I didn’t like it; I trod in something, the reception on my phone was rubbish, and this crow gave me a really nasty look.”

The rebrand will be launched with a poster of a dead vole next to a cigarette butt.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: