Friday 21 July 2017 by Davywavy

Vince Cable emerges from epic, seven-year sulk


Vince Cable

Vince Cable has finally stopped sulking due to the Liberal Democrats agreeing to put him in charge.

Cable, who has had his bottom lip stuck out ever since the LibDems entered the coalition in 2010, finally agreed to come out of his bedroom when offered the leadership this afternoon.

“Vince hasn’t really spoken to anyone since 2010,” said a spokesman for the party. “He’s just kind of glowered at everyone and painted his room black.

“Finally we decided we had to do something to get him to stop listening to The Smiths and the Sisters of Mercy on rotation.”

A delegation from the Liberal Democrats knocked quietly on Vince’s door and asked if they could come in at about 4pm this afternoon, where they found him lying on his bed writing poetry and trying to think of rhymes for ‘Clegg’.

“When we offered him the leadership he just sort of sneered and said he might come down and have dinner with us if we promised not to talk about tuition fees again.

“Of course that was fine, and when we told him that was Jeremy Corbyn’s problem now he brightened right up.”

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