Thursday 20 July 2017 by Tom Moore

Cersei Lannister agrees £1.5 billion ‘confidence and supply’ deal with Greyjoys


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Cersei Lannister has been accused of bribing the Greyjoys after agreeing a £1.5 billion deal to prop up her minority monarchy.

The deal for the Iron Islands comes after telling opposition families there was ‘no magic money tree’ despite magic trees being commonplace across Westeros and Essos.

Critics suggest this was perhaps a little short-sighted and recommend she consults with the Children of the Forest just in case.

Leader of the opposition and long-time critic of the Greyjoys, John Snow, told us “I can’t believe she’s getting into bed with this lot.

“They fight, steal, rape, pillage and are White Walker sceptics. This simply goes to show how fragile her reign is.”

Cersei finds herself in desperate need of support after a recent disaster at King’s Landing left surviving officials calling for a review of wildfire regulations.

With a general feeling throughout Westeros that she lacks compassion and humanity, the struggling Queens’ approval ratings are at an all time low.

A one-handed insider who wished to remain anonymous told us, “My sister needs to come across a bit more human.

“After murdering all those innocent people in cold blood and causing our last remaining son to commit suicide, there’s a general feeling that she can come across a bit… ‘cold’.”

The Lannisters have denied claims that the £1.5 billion is a sweetener to keep Cersei in her job, instead claiming that the money had already been earmarked for the region.

“This is nothing to do with my precarious position,” Cersei
told us.

“It was always in my plans to work more closely with the Greyjoys. I think they’re brilliant, in fact, I think I might marry one.”

Cersei’s position is made all the more precarious after underestimating her opposition, instead choosing to appease the hard right of the Sparrows within her own party.

The insider told us, “We should have paid more attention to the number of wildlings that came out to hear him talk.

“Especially in Newcastle and Sunderland. His turnaround was spectacular given where he was a few months ago.

“He practically came back from the dead”.

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