Monday 17 July 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Civilisation survives tumultuous first night of having a female Dr Who


Society survives female Dr Who

There was widespread relief this morning as it appeared that civilisation may actually survive in the wake of the announcement that Doctor Who will be played by actress Jodie Whittaker.

Many had assumed a fictional space being with two hearts who travels through time and space in a phone box being made a woman was too much for humankind to take and that civilisation would fall apart.

“It’s literally the worst thing that’s ever happened,” said 34-year-old virgin Simon Williams after the announcement yesterday.

“It’s worse than Nazis, cancer and that Star Trek film where Captain Kirk meets God.”

Mr Williams wasn’t the only Dr Who fan to express his anger, outrage, and unreconstructed sexism that is an embarrassment to men everywhere.

Within hours of the announcement, authorities around the world were preparing for protests to sweep across the globe as right-thinking people came together as one to halt the relentless tide of political correctness that culminated in what swiftly became known as the Whovian catastrophe.

It was widely thought that the protests would quickly escalate into violent riots in the major cities around the globe and civilisation collapsing before the night was over.

Happily, the sort of people who think a female Doctor Who is a bad idea were told to stay in their bedroom by their Mums and stop causing a rumpus, and so civilisation survives.

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