Sunday 16 July 2017

Fictional time travellers don’t have vaginas, insist morons


Doctor Who Jodie whittaker

Travelling through space and time in a police box requires a penis, according to several Internet morons this evening.

As Jodie Whittaker was confirmed as the new Doctor, lots of angry idiots insisted that the genitals of the Doctor play an essential role in the universe in which he resides.

Fan of made up science fiction television stories, Simon Williams, told us,”Yes I am angry about Jodie Whittaker being made the next Doctor.

“But I’m also angry that they have made me so angry about the lack of a penis in a TV show – which sounds extremely weird when I say it like that. It makes me sound like I’m fixated on male genitalia when you put the words down in front of you in the way I’m using them.

“But it’s not weird, it’s perfectly normal. Yes it is, shut up.

“Just because Gallifrey doesn’t actually exist and time travel isn’t really possible, doesn’t mean the writers can just go around making stuff up about the people they’ve made up.”

“Actually, that’s literally what we do,” explained one of the show’s writers who asked not to be named because, well, people on social media these days make correcting people on the Internet a dangerous thing to do.

“If you’re upset that a science fiction character is even more fictional than you’d hoped, maybe it’s time to let your imagination do a little bit more work?

“The Doctor has a long history of not using his penis to resolve issues across time and space, and we’re confident that Jodie Whittaker will have no issues in continuing that fine tradition.”

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