Saturday 15 July 2017 by Spacey

Street parties planned as report shows top 1% have fully recovered from financial crisis


Street party for the 1%

Britain is rejoicing today after a new report revealed that the UK’s wealthiest households have seen their share of national income return to levels seen before the global banking collapse in 2007.

With the streets full of people skipping about with their hats at jaunty angles, a spontaneous day of national celebration has already begun.

“It was a proper fist pump moment,” said 27-year-old tenant Simon Williams.

“Despite being frozen out of home ownership, my wages stagnating and inflation rising, I’m buzzing that our betters continue to thrive.

“I’m going to take out a payday loan so I can get completely rat-arsed tonight!”

Other outbreaks of celebration so far include an impromptu jousting tournament in Northampton and the formation of a three-mile conga line in Oldham.

A Downing Street spokesperson revealed that the government is delighted everyone can share in the success of the 1%.

“It’s fantastic that the country can unite in celebration at being pissed on in order to maintain the lifestyle of the very wealthiest.

“It’s what trickle-down economics is all about.”

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