Friday 14 July 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Kyle Walker gives up promising football career to become professional bench-warmer at Man City


Kyle Walker joins Man City

Promising England defender Kyle Walker has elected to abandon his career for several years to play occasionally for Manchester City’s reserve team.

“Being hoovered up by a massive club in order to loll about in the reserves is an important part of every young English player’s career,” said Walker as the deal was completed.

“I’ve decided to plump for Man City because it’s not very far away and the benches look really, really comfy.”

“I’m looking forward to getting on with this next stage in my career.”

It is understood that Walker will play two or three times for the first team in obscure cup games, then spend a few months in the reserves before receiving an injury that will see him sidelined for several years, and then, after a few months on the bench for the reserve team, he’ll join Brighton or West Brom and claim that ‘he’s looking forward to getting on with his next stage in my career’.

Manchester City were nearly convincingly enthusiastic about the move.

“We look forward to welcoming whichever young exciting talent we’ve bought this week to the club and we are sure he will thrive in whatever endeavour he is being brought in to do,” said a spokesperson for the club.

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