Thursday 13 July 2017

Theresa May says election result made her “secrete small amount of saline liquid from my human eye”


Theresa May shed a tear like a real human being

Theresa May has told how the exit polls on election night made her display genuine emotion that was in no way faked to convince the electorate she is human.

Speaking to the BBC, the prime minister spoke of her disappointment, and how the emotions triggered certain physiological effects to prove those emotions were real.

She told interviewer Emma Barnett, “Small amounts of saline liquid were secreted from the tiny holes at the side of my front-facing human eyes.  Not a huge amount, or enough for me to require replacement moisture from a perfectly normal source like the tap, but enough to demonstrate how my emotional state had deviated from the norm due to negative external stimuli.

“Just like we humans are wont to do.”

The revelation has convinced many voters who were on the fence about May’s leadership that she ‘really cares’.

Simon Williams, who considers himself left of centre politically but can’t bring himself to vote for the party that is left of centre, told us, “No-one who can cry when they realise they have fucked up in a massively public way can be all bad, can they?

“I mean, sure, I still despise everything her party stands for, and I think she’s terrible at her job – but she cried a little bit when was told she might lose her job, and what could be more human than that.”

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