Thursday 13 July 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Parliament votes to napalm Love Island


parliament

Parliament has passed a new resolution, calling for Love Island to be unilaterally napalmed.

The television series for people without the balls to find some proper pornography has been rumbling on for what feels like nine years.

“No good has come of it and it’s melting the already gooey brains of the populace,” confirmed MP, Simon Williams.

“I tried watching it once and immediately felt stupider. Then I felt bad about not having visible stomach muscles, which is surely the preoccupation of the moron and nobody else.

“The only good bit about it is the breasts but you never get to really see them as fully as you’d like.

“So, in the tradition of all Tory governments, we’re going to take away something you enjoy on the basis that we don’t understand why you enjoy it.”

Show producer, Jay Cooper, said, “It does seem a little harsh. Fifteen to One is dull as shit and nobody is lighting that on fire.

“On the plus side, watching the cast of our show writhe in agony is going to make for some absolutely cracking telly, and making them suffer for our amusement is essentially what the show is all about anyway.

“We’re not even going to tell them. I’m so evil.”

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