Wednesday 12 July 2017 by Davywavy

Iceberg now free to negotiate trade deals with the entire world


iceberg breaks away

An iceberg the size of Wales which broke away from Antarctica today is keen to pursue a trade deal with South Georgia, it has announced.

The iceberg, which is seeking to take a ‘new direction’ from the cold and unwelcoming continent of which it was previously a part, says that Antarctica shows almost no economic growth and far better opportunities lie elsewhere.

Opponents of the iceberg leaving have suggested that Russian interests may be behind the break, and accused Vladimir Putin of sending a submarine to assist it in breaking away to further his own aims.

Donald Trump has announced that his son, Donald Jr, will visit the iceberg soon and can ‘stay for as long he likes’.

Speaking to us from the Larsen Ice Shelf, penguin Simon Chilliams told us that he thought the iceberg leaving would be good for both the iceberg and Antarctica.

“I may be a mindless fat, waddling bird who does fuck all beyond stuffing my face and squawking, but I voted for the iceberg to break away as it will only strengthen us,” he said.

“Antarctica will be able to pursue a policy of eternal, night-filled winter, whilst the iceberg can slowly drift into uncharted waters before splitting apart and melting, finally sinking without a trace beneath the hostile sea.

“That’s good for everyone, right?”

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