Tuesday 11 July 2017 by Andrew

Tories just six racist incidents from losing majority


Tory majority at risk

Following the suspension of Anne Marie Morris for using the n-word, the Conservative Party are now just six racist incidents away from losing their working majority in the House of Commons.

The racist remark, which came during a public discussion about Brexit, leaves the Tories with just 317 MPs under their whip, and party insiders are said to be “bricking it” that more of their predominantly white, disproportionately privately educated MPs will refer to ‘Bongo Bongo Land’ or ‘watermelon smiles’ in the coming weeks.

Tory spokesman Simon Williams said, “Never mind whether Theresa May will last the summer, at this rate none of us will.

“We’ve got the Notting Hill Carnival coming up soon as well. I’m already sweating over that one. Someone’s going to let something slip about natural rhythm, aren’t they?

“But thank God it’s not an Olympics year – I just know one of my colleagues would have said something racist about why Kenyans and Ethiopians do so well in the marathon.

“We’ve got so much form on this, with Lord Dixon-Smith using the same phrase as Morris in 2008.

“Then there’s the time Boris Johnson referred to Commonwealth citizens as being piccaninnies with watermelon smiles.

“Or the time he wrote a poem about the Turkish president calling him a ‘wankerer’ who had had sex with a goat.

“Or the time he called people from Papua-New Guinea cannibals.

“Or the time he referred to President Obama as ‘part-Kenyan’ with an ‘ancestral dislike’ of Britain.

“Or the time he was Spectator editor when he published articles referring to Bongo Bongo Land, and that black people had smaller brains and lower IQs.

“Maybe Foreign Secretary wasn’t the best job for him. But thank goodness we’ve still got the DUP to help us out – they’re known for their tolerance toward people slightly different from themselves.”

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