Friday 7 July 2017 by Arabin Patson

Protesters at G20 confident they will influence the course of global affairs by rioting


G20 protests

Violent political activists remain steadfast in their belief that smashing shop windows and lobbing bricks at the police is the best way to get world leaders to forget their own political agendas and work for the common good.

Black Bloc anarchist Sigmund “Che” Wilhelms explained that by being hosed down by water cannon 4 miles away from the G20 conference centre was the best possible way to ensure a world without poverty.

“I am sure the voiceless oppressed masses that live on less than a dollar a day are delighted that I cracked a motorcycle cop over the head with an iron bar.

“They know that when I’m showering the underpaid baristas of the local Starbucks with broken glass, I’m doing it for them.”

Some experts believe that the participants of the summit will remain unaffected by the mayhem and destruction.

It is unclear if their indifference is due to the soundproofing of the venue, the comfortable setting, the great food, the busy agenda or their mysterious ability to not give a toss about a bunch vainglorious trustafarians getting police dogs set on them.

However, the activists can take comfort that some politicians have said they understood the impulse to smash thing up.

An anonymous leader from a country with an Eiffel Tower stated that “One more Lord of the Rings speech from that fat prick and I’ll start a fucking riot myself.”

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