Thursday 6 July 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Love Island fans urged to give actual porn a try


Female Love Island fan urged to try actual porn

ITV’s Love Island is proving to be the television hit of the summer with dedicated viewers who can’t get enough of the steamy antics of people with names like Bim, Quinine, and Labia.

However, many fans are starting to make the switch from Love Island to actual porn.

“Yeah, I was totally addicted to Love Island to start with,” said one fan we spoke to.

“9pm every night I’d pour a big glass of wine, open up a bag of sophisticated parsnip crisps, or Wotsits if Chakrabar’s was out of sophisticated parsnip crisps, and I’d settle in for a bit of Love Island.

“The only problem was that you could watch the whole thing and sometimes not even see a cheek of arse, or worse, there’d be some actual people actually doing it, but it’d be all hidden under duvet so you could barely see what was going on.

“After an hour, you just ended up a bit pissed and with all wotsity fingers.”

Four days ago, she made the switch from Love Island to actual porn.

“Yeah, I mean it was loads better straight away, I just put the porn on and before I knew it there was this couple just doing it right there. You could see everything – nob, fanny, arse, the lot. Brilliant. Loads better.

“The other things is, with Love Island, it’s just normal sex, but with actual porn there are loads of types; threesomes, bondage, bareback anal, dressing up in rubber and rolling around in mud with a horse watching, I love the variety.”

There was one overriding advantage that won her around, though.

“Well, as Prime Minister of Great Britain, I don’t get a lot of free time, and you can see more in five minutes of porn than the whole hour of Love Island.

“Which leaves loads of time to poorly govern a country.”

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