Thursday 6 July 2017 by Pete Redfern

Donald Trump arrives in Poland to begin search for next Eastern European wife


Donald Trump searched for new wife

Donald Trump landed in Poland yesterday evening and will be spending the majority of his time there looking for a future replacement for Melania.

The President of the United States, famous for his roving eye and even more roving hands, is expected to select the next future Mrs Trump from a number of poor but aspiring models and actresses in the Eastern European country.

White House strategist Chuck Williams addressed reporters on Air Force One saying, “Donald Trump is a forward thinker, a planner.

“Just like his first two marriages, he knows that there will be a time limit on his marriage to Melania. Namely, that moment when she inevitably realises that no amount of money is worth that amount of suffering, and files for divorce.

“So, Trump is starting his hunt for her replacement early. His first wife was Czech, his second and shortest marriage was to an American, and Melania is Slovene-American, so it makes sense for the next one to be Polish as he seems to have longer marriages with the Europeans.”

At this point the toddler-in-chief entered the room and chimed in “Eastern European women are phenomenal, aren’t they? They are a good type of foreign – not criminal, like the Mexicans, or crazy like the North Koreans.

“I’ll be dropping in on some beauty pageants and modelling agencies to see if anyone might be willing to have sex with me in return for a financially secure future.

“Failing that, I’ll just grab one that I like the look of from the street – I am the President, after all.”

Melania is reported to have breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing the news, safe in the knowledge that she will get more of a settlement if it is her daft orange husband who instigates divorce proceedings and not her.

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