Tuesday 4 July 2017

Theresa May convinces herself that election disaster was down to fox hunting


Theresa May rolls back manifesto pledge on fox hunting

Theresa May has dropped a manifesto pledge for a free vote on the reintroduction of fox hunting after deciding this was the reason the Tories performed below expectations in the election.

After much soul-searching, the prime minister has decided that backing away from a desire to reintroduce fox hunting will restore her to pre-election levels of popularity.

A party insider said, “We’ve been strategising ever since the election, and the brightest minds have come to the conclusion that our parliamentary position is so much weaker now all because of fox hunting.

“Some idiots have suggests it’s a rise in popularity for Jeremy Corbyn, or our continued insistence on adhering to a strict policy of austerity, but they are just stupid morons who don’t understand the real people.

“We do, and we know we can get them all back onside by rolling back our promise on fox hunting.  Strong and stable here we come!”

The move has not been welcomed by all voters, with Tory supporter Simon Williams telling us, “I only voted for them so I could spend my weekends killing more foxes – those two-faced lying bastards!

“If she gives nurses a bloody pay rise next I swear to god I’ll vote UKIP next time.”

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